Always Enough

I hear the desperation in her rough, scratchy voice, see the bags under her eyes as she wearily replies to the prophet, “I don’t have any bread – only a handful of flour in the jar and a little olive oil in a jug. I am gathering a few sticks to take home and make a meal for myself and my son, that we may eat it and die.”

I know this kind of desperation.

But the prophet knows more. And he says to her, “ Don’t be afraid. Go home and do as you have said, but first make a small loaf of bread for me from what you have and bring it to me. and then make something for yourself and your son. For this is what the LORD, the God of Israel, says: ‘The jar of flour will not be used up and the jug of oil will not run dry until the day the LORD sends rain on the land.’”

So she went. And she did exactly what he said.

Do I know this kind of trust?

To Hope, when nothing seems to make sense. To Know that He knows best, even when what He is asking of me seems impossible.

I don’t know much, but I am learning, and God is showing me this: I beg Him to bring me close to His heart. Orphans get us close, this is how He sees us. Adoption gets us close, this is how He brings us into His family. The poor, the widow, the prisoner, the beggar, they get us so close to His heart, these people are dear to Him. But nothing gets us closer than injustice. I think of a Savior, who spent His whole life doing nothing but good – saving and healing and feeding and helping – dying on a cross like a thief or a murderer. A Father, a Father who desires good things for His children even more than I want good things for mine, a Father who could have stopped it at any time, watched it happen. For me. For you. And I weep at the injustice of it. And I think that while NO part of me wants to be here, not at all, this is where I asked to be. Closer and closer and closer to His heart. He knows this pain. He knows what it is to lose a child to the injustice of a broken world. And so while I still cry and beat my fists on the floor, I find comfort in that, and ask to be closer still.

The ending of this story is Redemption. As is the ending of ours as we continue to place our hope in Him.

This weekend we put up the tree that has watched our family grow year after year. We still hung 14 angels on the tree. We still have 14 stockings. Only 13 sets of little hands helped make our tree glitter, but still 14 places are notched out in my heart.

Amy Grant sang in the background, “do you wonder, as you watch my face, if a wiser one should have had my place? But I offer all I am for the mercy of your plan.”

I think of Mary. Young. Tired. Alone. Completely unable to understand why this would be his plan for her. Chosen. Carrying our Savior into this broken world.

Jesus is coming. And I am young, and tired, and completely unable to understand why this is happening. But I am chosen, instructed to carry the story of our Savior, to shine His light into a broken world. His love and His strength, they will not run dry until He gets here, fresh rain on a parched land. And I wait in hope for Him.

“So there was food every day for Elijah and for the woman and her family. For the jar of flour was not used up and the jug of oil did not run dry, in keeping with the word of the LORD spoken by Elijah.”

Always enough.

65 thoughts on “Always Enough

  1. Your words remind me of a Christmas song from the heart of Mary:

    “Be it unto me
    according to thy Word,
    I give myself to Thee
    Just a servant to you Lord.

    Though I don't understand
    Your purpose or your plan
    Still I can say…
    Be it unto me.”

    Katie, we are praying for you everyday…God bless your momma heart.

    Laine Ferrill & gang

    Like

  2. Katie,

    Yes, together, to be a womb for God… I am with you here, sister — you are beautifully distended and taut over grace and Jesus — and your life births more of His love into thousands of lives. How you have into mine, Katie.

    Your exquisite songbird, she still sings — Jesus will give her a song. And Jesus still hears her lilting voice. She sings and you are stretched and your marks of love, the ones most painful, are the ones most beautiful — like His.

    ~tears~

    Please know today, Katie… how my prayers join yours — “Be a womb — come dwell within me, Jesus, and stretch my life to look more like Your love.”

    I send all my love, more than the backs of these thin letters can hold…

    All's grace,
    Ann Voskamp (who wrote the piece at (in))

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  3. As a sister in Christ I am praying for you and your family.

    I think it was no coincidence that I was right at this passage in 1 Kings for my Bible study yesterday. I have recently been confronted with the needs of some special people God has placed in my life and have found myself despairing because I know that there is nothing I can for them on the scale that they need. But God, through you, has reminded me that He can, and will, always provide. Always.

    In Christ,
    Iona

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  4. Posted by a mom who lost her 2 year old son to cancer 12/2009 on his caringbridge website right before he died.

    “Cherish every moment

    If before you were born, I could have gone to Heaven and saw all the beautiful souls, I still would have chosen you.

    If God had told me, “this soul will one day need extra care and needs”, I still would have chosen you…

    If He had told me, “that one day this soul may make my heart bleed”, I still would have chosen you…

    If He had told me, “this soul would make me question the depth of my faith”, I still would have chosen you…

    If He had told me, “this soul would make tears flow from my eyes that would overflow a river”, I still would have chosen you…

    If He had told me, “our time spent together here on earth could be short”, I still would have chosen you…

    If He had told me, “this soul may one day make me witness overbearing suffering”, I still would have chosen you…

    If He had told me, “all that you know to be normal would drastically change”, I still would have chosen you…

    Of course, even though I would have chosen you, I know it was God who chose me for you…

    Thank you God for letting me be his Mummy…
    Author Unknown”

    I'm sorry Katie, I wish I could take away your pain and bring your daughter back. We are praying here for you here everyday. Thank you for your words of faith on this blog, you'll never know how much they've meant to me.

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  5. Katie,

    I cannot pretend to know your pain, nor can I pretend that I have stepped out as far as you have in this faith. But your posts move me..to always be better than I think I can be. For someone so young, your inspiration stretches far beyond that of most of the elderly and wise. Thank you for being there doing what I cannot, right now, do. I pray for you and your children and your journey. And, I deeply, sincerely, believe in you.

    Blessings always,
    Jenifer

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  6. Dear Katie,
    With love, prayer and tears I ask God to draw us all near. I ask that all 14 of your children are taken in HIS arms…and that they will learn to DWELL there. -Rachel

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  7. Goosebumps and tears, goosebumps and tears. Come Thou, long expected Jesus….
    My husband and I pray regularly for your ministry and your family, and we continue fervently even tonight. I am so sorry, Katie. Our love to all 14 of your “notches”.
    -Rebecca (in Minnesota)

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  8. Katie,
    You are the picture of Isaiah 58:6-12. May He strengthen your frame, may He satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land. May you be like a well watered garden, like a spring that never runs dry!!
    Blessings,
    Lesli

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  9. Katie,

    It is always amazing to me to read your posts, because each time I do I can see the love of Christ, our Lord and Savior, come pouring out of you. Each time you speak from your heart I can hear his words to me – even when your heart is breaking.

    Know that through your pain you are reaching so many of us and showing us the grace and love of Christ.

    We are praying for you and ALL of your girls!
    Sheri O.

    Like

  10. Katie,

    It is always amazing to me to read your posts, because each time I do I can see the love of Christ, our Lord and Savior, come pouring out of you. Each time you speak from your heart I can hear his words to me – even when your heart is breaking.

    Know that through your pain you are reaching so many of us and showing us the grace and love of Christ.

    We are praying for you and ALL of your girls!
    Sheri O.

    Like

  11. Im 10 years old and i have a heart like you for orphans and i love love love your web sight and hope your well i will be praying

    love

    chloe

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  12. What an encouraging post! I have been in India for a month now, and I have been so discouraged at times seein all the poverty and pain around me. Seeing beggars on the street and children playing in trash as I walk home with a bag of unnecessary things from the super market. But God has been teaching me so much and showing me the beauty of his grace through all these things. Thanks for your transparency and willingness to serve
    Christ! I will be praying for you.
    Hannah Nelson

    Like

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