My kitchen is painted yellow.
Because yellow is the color of sunshine and of joy and because yellow is my favorite.
It’s never quite as clean as I want it to be in here.
Tonight as I stand in the after-bed-time quiet my eyes follow a trail of red footprints across this floor that is supposed to be white and the tears well. So many memories held here.
This kitchen, this is there I serve. Many days, this kitchen is where I live. These counters, nicked and crumb covered, the sink, one side piled high with drying dishes, they could tell some stories. They’ve seen my joy as I gaze out the window at my laughing brood and raise still-soapy hands high in praise. They’ve seen the tears fall in defeat over the just-peeled carrots and the open pages of Psalms. They’ve heard my tongue snap in exasperation as another child screams through the kitchen and my whispered repentance later as I beg Him to make more of me. These walls have held late night laughter with dear friends and early morning remorse over broken dreams. They’ve held confessions and achievements and words, oh so many sweet words.
The memories flood too quickly to contain them all.
I see the night I came home and walked into this kitchen defeated and without a 4 year old and sweet friends gathered around to make super and their silence meant more than words.
I see our first Thanksgiving here, mom pulling the stuffing out of the oven, kids dancing happy and people – oh so many people – who I love and so much joy spilling out of such a small space.
I see myself standing here in the wee morning hours that shouldn’t even count as morning yet whisking high calorie milk for a child just barely clinging to life and I hear my loud cry for Jesus to save Him.
I hear the pitter-patter of little feet over the bubbling of the coffee pot and the excited voice of my littlest as she announces that the chicks have “popped” in the first light of the morning, and I feel the way His mercy has washed over me in this place.
I see hundreds of cooking lessons, little bodies crowded around a big pot, eager for their chance to measure, to pour, to stir. I see birthday cakes, so so many birthday cakes frosted and decorated with butterflies and flowers. I see whole wheat bread warm and rising in this oven, daily, and marvel at how He has been our daily bread.
I see the day when the full weight of her past threatened to knock the breath right out of me, how I pressed my palms hard into these counter tops and willed myself to keep breathing and questioned everything that I knew to be true.
I see the girls, gathered around the open computer screen and hear the voices of my mother and father and brother streaming across space and time zones and my heart aches with missing them but rejoices for love that bridges even oceans.
I see people. Homeless mothers who have found their way to better life here. Children who have healed and become whole here. Friends who have found rest, family who have so greatly blessed, people I have loved, who have loved me. People who have known the Lord in this place.
I have set foster babies on these counters next to casseroles for neighbors. And right here on these counters I have typed it all out, our lives, the beautiful and the ugly, between the stirring of the pots and the wiping of the noses, and the words turned to pages and the pages into a story.
It’s almost too much this passing of time, the dying of dreams and the budding of new ones, this growing of babies into children and children into women and hearts to maturity. And I cry because I want to hold it all forever, His goodness in this place. I run fingers over knife-worn counters and time runs too fast. And people are sent out from here. People heading home and people heading off to new futures and one day, these girls, too. I serve meals in this kitchen but I want to serve them what counts. I want to offer them the living bread, the only food that truly fills.
I have laughed here, I have wept here, I have created here, oh, I have prayed here. And here in this place, I have known Him more. I haven’t always done it right and some days I feel that I haven’t been enough, but I know that He has. He has. Right above the oven are painted the words of Acts, “They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and generous hearts… and the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved,” and I know it like I know my own breath and the warmth of the sun on my skin, time passes, and they will go, and only He will remain.
My eyes find the trail of footprints leading to the door, and through bated breath I ask it, beg it, “Lord, if I could have just one thing, could I have served them You?”

109 thoughts on “

  1. I just read katies book and I have to say that it made me see my life in a whole different way! My sister said she was hungry and I instantly thought of all the little children who are really hungry. Now each and every day I pray for your family. May God bless you always.

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  2. Katie,
    May the peace of the Lord overflow your heart today. Your love for Christ and the least of these is remarkable. Praise God for the faith He has granted you. I pray for the same.
    Love,
    Lindsey

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  3. Katie,
    May the peace of the Lord overflow your heart today. Your love for Christ and the least of these is remarkable. Praise God for the faith He has granted you. I pray for the same.
    Love,
    Lindsey

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  4. Its 3:00 in the morning here, and I just finished reading your book earlier tonight. I can't sleep. I came to the computer, decided to take a look at your sites, and found this post. As a mother of two little ones, it struck home. I know you were talking about your life, your kitchen, but it made me think of mine…It made me think of all the days I stand work weary and worn down in that room, making meals to feed my family, from our full cabinets, all too often with a bad attitude. Grumbling because the kids are hanging on me, wondering when my husband will be home from work…not appreciating what God has blessed me with, what I can do there, how he has blessed me so I can bless them, bless others. How I don't want to open my doors, feed another person, because of the inconvenience…which boils down the the unwillingness to serve. I sit here with tears rolling down my face in the middle of the night, with a repentant heart. Katie, know that you are not only touching the lives of those babies there, showing them Jesus, but also a housewife and mommy in the middle of the night in Georgia, sitting at a keyboard…your example of how you love your family on each and every page of your book has made me take a long hard look at how I am loving mine…Thank you.

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  5. Hi Katie, my husband gave me your book as a birthday present this year and I can't tell you how much I have been touched by your life and experiences. As an African living in Europe and now returning home, your story has helped me see what God can do if we open our hearts to him and I am excited to begin my walk of total devotion to his work and his call. Thank you and may God richly bless you and your girls.

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  6. Katie, In reading the comments just on this one blog I can see you have many fellow laborers in prayer already. But I would like to add mine also. My friend Kathy and I pray together every Tuesday morning at 10:00 A.M. We will pray for you and your children at that time, but also I can pray for you daily. Surely as we commit ourselves in agreement with you there are no long miles between us, for prayer bridges all distance. Katie as I read your book and some of these posts I feel like you are doing our work for us. So the very least we can do is to get under the load with you in prayer. One other thing I want to mention: the relationships you have built and are continuing to build are so real, so completely unvarnished and untarnished and familial. I think it is because you see the running need out in the open (and are so quick to blot it up with your presence) whereas here in the states needs are often hidden and Christian friendships a bit more sanitized so that we are really afraid to let fellow church members see “the real me.” I'm thinking as persecution and suffering heat up here, the good part is that we will draw closer together in our common unity in Christ and in our neediness. The body of Christ as described in scripture operates as one. In Him. Bless you Katie. Thank you for working while it is day, for the night comes when no man can work.

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